Why Passive Aggression is a Slow Killer

Many marriages are experiencing difficulties these days and it is not uncommon for the communication lines to be frosty at best. One of the major areas of difficulty that I see in many relationships is the question of why is my husband so aggressive to me? One thing that I have realized over time is that men tend to use physical aggression as a means of asserting their power. It is just that women often do not think about it in those terms. Here is what I mean.

What men do when they are in a relationship is that they use the words they say as a way of asserting their power. If you were to talk to a man about an issue in the bedroom, you would probably get some variation of the same “you are not getting me” comment. And I know that women do this also. The reason why this happens is that when a man says that he is in control of the situation or that he will control what happens, this turns a woman on because she wants to be taken care of.

There is something else that I have noticed over the years. I have noticed that when I am with a man that is not that into me, I tend to become aggressive right back. Why is this? Well, I believe that a woman is programmed to think that if she says something mean and nasty to a man, that he will reciprocate in kind. I also believe that when I say mean and nasty things to my husband, it turns him on because he sees it as a challenge. He thinks that I challenge him.


Another way that I think this works is that many women find that when they are feeling needy and burned out, the last thing that they want to do is vent. They will try to find someone who will give them attention in the form of attention or a conversation. And the way that this works in the short term is that their husband will probably notice this needy behavior and will either try to change the way they are behaving or he will see them react in an aggressive manner.


Another thing that I have noticed that tends to happen when a woman tries to change her behavior is that the husband will start criticizing her. He starts saying things like she does not know how to take care of herself. He will tell her that she needs to stop trying so hard and that she could do a lot better job of taking care of herself. And he will tell her all the times how much he hates being around this type of woman.


If you do not take these comments seriously, he may think that you do not want to work at all. In other words, he may assume that you do not care about his feelings any longer and may even assume that you have let yourself go. If you continue to make him feel this way about how you are running your life, he will just start to pull back even more. He will either refuse to talk to you anymore or he will tell you that you should leave because you are no longer his wife.


When a wife wants to change the behavior of her husband, she needs to be very subtle and very patient. She has to make sure that he senses that she is sincere about wanting to fix the problems between them. If she is still acting like a crazed crazy woman and is nagging, calling, and demanding, he will think that she is only using these tactics as a way to make him take care of her. This can lead to a complete breakdown of the marriage.


If you wonder “Why is my husband so aggressive to me?” it is likely that he has developed this attitude over time without you even noticing it. If you want to learn how to deal with an aggressive husband, be patient and try not to fall into the old habits. If you do, you will only have yourself to blame if things go south.

What is Passive-Aggression

Passive-Aggression is a form of aggression that is covert and masked. People who use this type of aggression are afraid to face their opponent’s feelings or anger head-on. The aggressor will instead mask their hostility by pretending to be too busy or caring too little. Passive-Aggression can manifest itself in a variety of ways, including procrastination, forgetfulness, and the silent treatment. People who use Passive-Aggression often don’t want to admit that their actions are aggressive, so they pretend they’re not.

Why Passive-Aggressiveness is a Negative Trait

Passive aggression is a harmful and inappropriate way to deal with issues. Passive-aggressive people often don’t know how to deal with anger openly and responsibly. They may not want to confront other people or deal with their own feelings, so they act out in other ways. Passive-aggressive people may have trouble stating their feelings because they are more comfortable with communicating indirectly. It is sometimes called a “silent scream” because it seems like the person is just holding in their anger. But it is not ok to quietly hold in one’s feelings, eventually, they will come out. This could stem from the lack of mental clarity

Many times, there are underlying feelings that are being ignored or kept secret.

This does nothing to help a person’s emotional state because they are not given a chance to release pent-up feelings. It also creates problems in communication between both the person who is passive-aggressive and the person being treated as such. The consequences of being passive-aggressive can be negative, both for the person who ends up being on the receiving end of passive-aggression and for the passive-aggressor.

Situations in which passive-aggressive behavior is most common

Oftentimes passive-aggressiveness is most common in interpersonal relationships. This is due to the fact that individuals will often live with their frustrations and anger for significant periods of time before lashing out. They may also lash out if the particular individual is more sensitive to criticism. Another common situation in which passive-aggressiveness is most prevalent is in the workplace.

The following are some examples of how passive-aggressive behavior might emerge at work:

  • Some people with passive-aggressive tendencies might constantly be late because this allows them to be oppositional and admit their frustration indirectly.
  • Others might procrastinate an obligation because this would allow them to avoid a confrontation or responsibility.
  • In some instances, a person might not do what they are supposed to do and instead do another task, because this would allow them to resist doing something they didn’t want to do.
  • Waiting until they are praised to do the task they were assigned
  • Asking a question to which they know the answer
  • Not answering the phone, but letting it go to voicemail
  • Going into the office but refusing to work
  • Having to be reminded to do something multiple times

There are also common types of workplace behaviors in which an individual uses indirect methods of communication, such as sarcasm and inconsistency, rather than direct confrontation when trying to establish dominance or get what they want. These individuals tend to be good at masking their true intentions, which can make it difficult to tell when they’re being passive-aggressive. Passive-aggressive people are typically not content with the situation and would rather not communicate their unhappiness directly. They often resort to more subtle, indirect methods, like sarcasm, inconsistency, vagueness, or blame-shifting, to get their point across.

How to cope with passive-aggressive people

Understanding passive-aggressive behavior can be difficult. They are difficult to deal with because they are not forthright with their intentions and they often have an undeserved sense of entitlement. They are often the source of strife in their marriage, their workplace, or the neighborhood.

It’s important to know how to cope with this type of behavior – whether you’re the beleaguered victim or someone who needs to enact change. Passive-aggressive behavior typically covers a spectrum. Some people are polite enough to use direct language to express their anger or frustration, while others are not.

You’re always on the edge of being a victim of their hostility. It’s like you are living in a minefield and not being able to see the bombs until they go off. To anyone that has dealt with a passive-aggressive person in their lives, it is a tough call to make when you need to approach the subject with them. Sometimes, it’s a few minutes before they explode and it’s too late. You need to be able to defuse the situation before it escalates to a full-blown argument.

There are many ways to combat passive-aggressive behavior that don’t involve anger or confrontation.

One key way to handle passive-aggressive behavior is to be more assertive.

The best way to go about this is to state what you need or want in a direct and polite way. This will show the other person that you’re assertive and able to meet your needs. It is essential to understand that you are not responsible for their behavior and it is their responsibility to change themselves.

Tips to Remember:

  1. Recognize the behavior.
  2. Define the problem as it relates to the other person.
  3. Keep your opinions to yourself for now.
  4. State what you want as clearly as possible.
  5. It’s important to keep your cool and maintain self-control.


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