If you’ve been finding it hard to get over a breakup – don’t worry, you’re not alone. It can be difficult to find the motivation to do anything when you’re feeling down. You’ve probably been on a few disastrous first dates since your breakup, you may be wondering if you’ll ever find love again. But you can and you will! There are steps you can take to get your life back on track and get past your breakup, like seeking out new friends and activities to enjoy. Despite what you may think, humans are resilient creatures and with time, you’ll find love again.
If you want to get over a breakup, start by taking care of yourself. Start by doing things you enjoy, and try to spend time with friends and family. Basically, don’t be so hard on yourself! You’ve probable heard this several times, theres more fish in the sea (you know this!), but why the heck is it just so hard to get over a breakup?
The simple answer: Love is a drug! All jokes aside, love is really a drug. “Functional brain scans have shown that love is a form of addiction,” says Guy Winch, PhD, licensed psychologist and author of How To Fix a Broken Heart.
“We get used to having a certain substance, and that substance is a person and the relationship in our lives. Then during ‘withdrawal,’ we get desperate and act out of character, similar to how a drug addict behaves.”
All that being said, you’re used to living your life with someone else. You’ve basically blended your routines to accommodate thiers. Most people even make future plans and have compromised a lot to be where they are, let alone to be heartbroken. To just wake up and let go of that life and experience is not going to be as simple as swiping right or left. Now, let’s focus on how to get to a healthy state of mind and being to that we can allow happiness to come easily (and also, attract your new lover). We talked to relationship experts and we’ve put their best advice on how to overcome a breakup and move on, enjoy the simple steps you can take today – PS: there’s no dairy involved.
Rebuild your self-esteem after a broken heart
If you’re in the stage of a broken heart, it’s important to heal and rebuild your self-esteem. Particularly, self-esteem is a person’s feeling about their self-image and the way they believe others see them. They may have thoughts like “I’m not as good as other people” or “I’m not capable like they are.”
1) The first step to rebuilding your self-esteem is to forgive yourself. It is a natural human tendency to blame oneself for the things that happen in life. Remember, resistance makes a difficult situation more difficult, so fight the urge to blame yourself and instead forgive yourself for what has happened.
2) Secondly, stop comparing yourself to other people. You are not a reflection of someone else, so do not compare yourself to the people around you.
2. Try three new places
Getting over someone can be tough. Sometimes you just need to get out and see the world to get your head straight. Mary Jo Rapini, a psychotherapist and author of Re-Coupling: A Couple’s 4 Step Guide to Greater Intimacy and Better Sex, tells her clients getting over heartbreak to try new places. She tells her clients to “find a coffee shop or a restaurant you’ve never been to, and invite at least one friend to go with you at least once a week,”
Other things to do after a breakup could be
- Start small. Get a slice of pizza at a new pizza place, get your nails done, or take your dog for a walk.
- Try something new. Get out of your comfort zone and try something you wouldn’t normally do. Go rock climbing, kayaking, knitting, anything!
- Meetup with friends. Get together with friends and try meeting new people. With it being summer and all, go to the beach or the pool and meet some new friends for a nice day in the sun.
3. Avoid having a rebound
One of the most important relationship lessons is to always make sure you take the time to heal and not have a rebound relationship after a heartbreak. There are many reasons why this can be difficult, but when someone is emotionally vulnerable they should take the time to heal before entering a new relationship. If they enter into a new relationship with someone who they are not over their last relationship with they will more than likely experience the same heartbreak and pain all over again. It may seem like it is the best thing to do but it is often what gives people their second, third, or even fourth heartbreak.
4. Take a realistic walk down memory lane
When your thoughts finally circulate and you start to remember all the good times you’ve had, you’ve probably forgotten to factor in the bad sides. (You know you deliberately overlook romantic walks or meeting friends). “Your first thought was,’ Oh, this holiday was so perfect. ‘Remind yourself that you didn’t talk for 24 hours because you had a fight on the plane to your perfect vacation” Winch says. “Remind yourself of the anxious feeling you always had when meeting up for a drink because your partner never arrived on time. In other words, make it a rule to look at the negatives because your mind will only strengthen the positive one. Keep the picture real.”
5. Write down all of their negative qualities
Your mom probably told you if you have nothing nice to say then… well, you know the rest. However, this time she will make an exception. “Make a list of all the ways this person isn’t good for you,” Winch says. “Think about all the annoying qualities they have and all the compromises you have to go through in a relationship. Keep this list on your phone so you can get back to it when you start thinking they’re perfect. It is natural to idealize both personality and relationships.
6. Do a social media detox
When you have many mutual friends, unfollowing your ex is not enough to get rid of their social media presence. If so, limit social media use until you log in without succumbing to the lure of stalking him/her online. Of course, that doesn’t mean the desire will go away. “Think about things you can “control” when you want to review their online activities. Instead, check on your friend who is stunned by the arrival of a new baby, or call your family. As you do your best to create separation, your well-meaning friends may be tempted to share gossip they have heard or seen. So be proactive and let them know that you’re having trouble moving forward and it’s best if they don’t update you about anything.
7. Let go of the idea of “closure”
You know real life isn’t like romcom, but you might want to go through a dramatic breakup, like the script of “he cheated on me “or” he was secretly in love with his best friend’s girlfriend” Unfortunately, what happens when two people separate, one of you asks the question: why couldn’t we work out?? One thing you need to understand is that the need to understand why things didn’t work out, sparks the desperate desire to get back together.
“If you keep asking, there’s a fantasy that you’ll discover something that will allow you to fix what happened and get back together with that person,” Winch says. The healthiest thing to do is to accept the fact that you’re not made for each other. If the other person can’t explain why they don’t want to be with you anymore, tell yourself that the fact that your ex-partner doesn’t like you enough or doesn’t like you enough is the only explanation you need to close this chapter once and for all. What you need to focus on is affirmations such as:
- I deserve someone who can commit
- I deserve someone who can love me enough,
- I deserve someone who appreciates everything about me.
After a breakup, it’s best to re-ground yourself and work on several things to help prepare you for the next chapter of your life.
Read this article to get the ball rolling: