“Why Can’t I Find The Right One?” Find Out if You’re Sabotaging Your Relationships

What is Self-Sabotaging

The term “self-sabotage” may sound like a character flaw or a guilty conscience. However, it is neither. Self-sabotage is a series of thoughts and behaviors that fuel negative emotions. Self-sabotage is quite common among those who feel as if they are not good enough. For example, it is common for people who feel unworthy to use toxic substances as an escape from their life. They may also make themselves feel unworthy by singling out any shortcomings and fixating on it.

One of the commonalities between those who are depressed and those who are exceptionally successful is self-sabotage. One of the biggest reasons people do not get what they want is because they stop themselves from achieving their goals. Self-sabotage can be intentional or unintentional, but both are subtle forms of self-sabotage. Simply put, it is when someone’s behaviour and actions contradict what they believe, desire, or know to be in their best interest.

Self-sabotage can happen on a conscious or unconscious level and it can manifest itself in different ways. If you have a long-term goal, it is challenging to keep the goal in mind. This is because we have a natural tendency to focus on things that are close at hand and that we have an immediate emotional reaction for.

People sabotage their relationships for a variety of reasons

What most people don’t realize is that people sabotage their relationships for a variety of reasons. It is important to understand what is going on in someone’s mindset if you want to repair a relationship. It’s impossible to find the causes if you don’t know where to start looking.

Here are the top two reasons that people sabotage relationships:

1. Fear of abandonment:

When someone is abandoned or just fears they will be abandoned, they tend to act out in order to prevent that from happening.

2. Emotional trauma:

People who have been hurt in the past sabotage relationships so the pain cannot happen again. Resentment builds up inside them and they don’t have the tools to handle it in a constructive way.

Are you sabotaging your relationship?

What are some ways that you are sabotaging your own relationship? Does this sound like you:

  • You’re not participating in the relationship, but you want to give your all and be in an intimate friendship 
  • You’re not allowing yourself to be vulnerable for fear of being rejected 
  • You push people away out of fear of being left behind 
  • You’re not giving in to your partner’s personality because they’re so different from you 
  • You’re not communicating or giving the other person enough credit 
  • You’re not communicating your needs in the relationship and you’re losing yourself

Signs that you are sabotaging your relationships

The first few months of a new relationship are the most exciting, the most dreamy, and the most hopeful. They’re the time when you’re on top of the world and you can’t imagine you could feel any happier. But eventually, those feelings change as the relationship takes a more serious tone, and you may start noticing or feeling some of the signs that things might not be going so well.

It’s not always easy to spot the signs that you’re sabotaging your relationships, but if you stay aware they can usually be detected quite easily.

Some of the red flags include:

Hasty disagreements


Not participating in conversation, and

Being overly self-critical.

If you’re prone to any of these behaviors in your relationships and notice a trend they may be considered a sign of sabotage. Fortunately, most of the time it’s not too difficult to derail these behaviors and get back on the track of healthier relationships.

The most common ways people sabotage their relationships

People sabotage their relationships in many different ways, but the most common ways are neglecting it, arguments, and lack of commitment.

  1. Neglecting the relationship with not talking, getting frustrated and angry easily, being rude, not letting the other person into his/her world, and not dealing with the issues face on are the first way.
  2. Arguments is the second way, which not only destroys the relationship but also has a huge negative impact on the person’s mental health and well-being.
  3. The third way is lack of commitment, which includes not wanting the other person in his/her life, not appreciating the other person, not being there for the other person, not striving to better the other person, and not feeling like

How to stop sabotaging your relationships

There’s always a reason that we do what we do, and, in the case of sabotaging relationships, the reason is often fear. Fear leads to the desire for safety, but, often, the only thing worse than what you’re currently doing is making yourself vulnerable.

There are a few tips for how to stop sabotaging relationships that will help you stop pushing people away in fear, which is the first step on the road to having the relationships you want.

1. Make a list of all the ways in which you close off to people

2. Ask yourself if those actions are based on fear

3. For each action, write down how you think it is affecting your relationships.

How you can make your relationship last

It’s difficult being in a relationship when you’re insecure. You feel out of control. You’re always checking up on your partner. Your thoughts are racing at a million miles per hour. And you know the thoughts are wrong. But you can’t get rid of the feeling. So how to make a relationship last when you’re insecure? You should remember to take care of yourself. Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you. The following suggestions will help you make your relationship last when you are insecure and tend to sabotage things.

  • Share your thoughts and feelings with your partner
  • Don’t push your partner away
  • Respect what your partner wants
  • Stay positive
  • Be open-minded
  • Don’t talk about your insecurities when you are upset with them.
  • Make concerted efforts to show them more affection on a daily basis.
  • Express your gratitude for them when you are feeling down.
  • Set clear boundaries with them and do not allow them to cross them.

Insecure relationships can last if both partners work to make themselves feel more secure. However, insecurity is something that takes a lot of work to fix, so if you find that this is the case in your relationship, you want to talk to a therapist or even some trusted friends.

More resources for you

7 signs you are a toxic person in your relationship
Coping with emotional draining friends


7 Simple Strategies To Improve Your Mental Clarity

How Does Low Self-Esteem Affect your Confidence